I tried to protect it. And I still am. But somehow everytime, I failed to do so.
Because shaytans is always right beside me. They inject us with their special serum to make us fall for their tricks, to make us be at the tip of their fingers, whatever they asks us to do, we'll follow.
I'm trying. Still trying. But failed. Why is it so hard? Nafs is controlling me I just know it.
Omg he's online.
Calm down and take a deep breath.
Went to another thread and copied a long info message to share. Tapping on the screen, on the word paste.
Should I share or not? Is this considered as ikhtilad?
Nah. A part of me answered.
So I press send.
Soon after he replied a thanks and a smiley. I swear my heart was going to explode and the swarm of butterflies in my stomach was dancing gracefully.
No. I shouldn't feel this way. This is wrong.
A part of me whispers, "Come on, he said thanks, you shouldn't left him hanging. Say you're welcome or just send him a cute smiley at least."
So I did. But still reluctant to press send. Am I doing the right thing? I don't know man. It's not like you're confessing your feelings or something right? This would be okay.
I was sweating. And I was afraid.
That part of me was telling myself more things, "Chill, you're just sharing useful information, it's not like you're talking about unbeneficial things."
But suddenly another part of me came, "This is wrong. You're just finding an excuse so that this would be considered okay. While it's not."
I shook my head. No I have to think before I act. This is not the right way.
Allahurabbi. Why is this so hard?
I backspaced my already typed message and closed my phone.
Astaghfirullahala'zim. I took wudhu and prayed.
"Ya Allah, help me find a way to stop myself from taking part of any acts of ikhtilad. Please Ya Allah."
Hope you guys can relate to this post and somehow make you realize how important it is to take care of ikhtilad which a lot of people took this thing a small matter while it's actually big and I have to say that I myself is having a hard time to restrain myself from this problem. So yeah. I guess I'm outta here.
-Najwa signing out.