Decisions

Obviously me.

Assalamualaikum and hello.

One thing you need to know about me, I never EVER make decisions by myself. NEVER. And you never ever want me to. Trust me.

And now all of a sudden, everyone starts to rush me to make decisions by my own. Resulting to MAJOR mental breakdown. I went through the stress stage in life which lasts for like, almost 3 weeks and still, I didn't get to make the decision by my own. I spent sleepless nights, daydreaming classes, thinking of what's best for me and still, nothing came in. I started to get more stressed out each day, with driving classes, extra co-curricular activities at school, babysitter at home and mostly, deciding and choosing what's best for me. In the future and for myself.

And God wanted to test me, I failed my driving test twice as in, two times. Ugh my day couldn't get any frustrating. That brings to even more mental breakdown than I ever have. And did you know what I do to get over it?

I cried. Hard. In the bathroom. At the driving institution.

Okay go on, judge me. I don't care. But seriously, I just can't take it anymore okay?

But then, thinking of it every night, maybe there's a blessing in disguise in every of these things that happen. Maybe with 3 times of JPJ test, I can drive with my eyes close. Who knows, right?

I mean, God wanted to test us, to see whether we can get over those little things in life that we see little but is actually big for us. And just remember that He only test people who really CAN get over it easily. Who really CAN do those things to solve the problems in life. As I said before in my other posts, life is a roller coaster. When we go up, the view is amazingly great and when it came down, blegh, we may say.

I relied all my decisions to God. He's the greatest planner. So, I decided to do istikharah and I did. Twice, actually. Still, no signs of anything. But my heart keeps saying to go to the one. It weighs a lot, maybe leading me to the right one and finally brings me to THAT one. I thought, maybe this is it. This is THE ONE. This is it.

After that, my sleepless nights were becoming increasingly worse, my heart was pounding 1000 km/h if that's even possible. I was scared, nervous, jittery and any other synonyms you can think of. One word to wrap it all up, I was a total mess that night (Wait, that's six words lol). I got up from bed feeling worse than ever and I prayed. After praying, my heart still has this teensy weensy feeling of fright of the decisions I made last night. Is it the right one? But I'm still believing that it is indeed the right one. I make doa for the best and alhamdulillah, I did the right thing after all.

My sleepless nights are now becoming better. I sleep like a baby. lol. And with that, I knew that my decisions are right. Alhamdulillah, ya ALLAH.

Here's something for you,

Life's a climb, but the view is great. 

Make doa for the best of me, and I'll make one for you, insyaALLAH.

Jannah is our forever and final destination, InsyaALLAH~