Special but unappreciated

She was never special. She never felt she was. But she really is. Without her, the family would be a wreck. Babies crying, parents shouting and an elder sister, bugging and annoy her in any way possible. And unfortunately, the latter happens to be me.

Now I finally realize how it feels like to be her. Being her is a tough job which needs a tough heart as well. Being a babysitter may sound common and easy but it wasn’t. Don’t believe me, you can ask her. Who is “her”?

My sister, Nazmina.

Nazmina has been my best friend and my partner in crime for as long as I can remember. Sounds cliché, but she really was. She was the one that I can joke, play around, being all sarcastic without the receiver being offended by my words. She was amazing at everything I don’t but she never had self-confidence in her that make her feel she’s weak and vulnerable. Her self-esteem always drop when she fails to do something or maybe when she sees someone’s strength that she never had in her. She never wants to see her strengths.

Nazmina always has this fear of talking to strangers. Not the bad stranger though, also the good one. For instance, she was scared to order food from a fast food restaurant, she was afraid to start the conversation with people, and she was afraid to voice out her own opinion coz she thinks hers was useless and people wouldn’t want to accept it. I accept the fear of the latter statement, even I am like that. But my point is that, she feels weak. And whenever she feels weak, she’ll be afraid to shine out and show her abilities to people afraid, of what people would say. That will just lead to people making fun of her or to let people control her to do this and to do that. And I hate that.

In the family, she never felt she was special. She felt she was like just another typical and normal sibling in the family. I outshone her.  I was the star of the family. Good in academics, getting good grades and being popular at school and to other people, I was the family’s golden child. But she….she was just a babysitter in the family. Both my little brother and sister loved her, they got attached to her and at one point I was jealous of her. Why does they like her even more than they love me? What does she do that I didn’t? 

Easy.

 She did, literally everything to them. She was like a mother to them, more than my own mom. Even we have a maid, it seems like our maid was useless when it comes to babysitting.

She feeds them, bathe them, wear them clothes after bathing, play with them eventhough at most times, she was tired from a day at school. Although she has so many homeworks, she puts her priority on her brother and sister first.

I was proud of her and pity her at the same time. She was such a great babysitter and yet she never gets the credit. She even sacrifice most of her free time, weekends and her chance to hangout with her friends just to babysit them. And at most times, her hard work and existence were never appreciated. What could be sadder than that?

One day she went for a camping trip for 3 days which leaves me in charge of babysitting. To say I’m mad and exhausted was an understatement. It was beyond that. And her absence felt excruciatingly long. Now I know how it feels like to be her. This was just a part of it. Oh how I wish I could give everything in the world to show how special she is. Because she really is.

So Naz, this post is dedicated to you.

Know that you’re special and you’re nothing less than everyone. You have even more abilities and specialties apart from me.

I can’t roller skate, I can’t play the piano, I can’t sing, I can’t play any musical instrument, I can’t beat someone in a game, I can’t play netball, I can’t pass Flappy Bird more than just a score 2, I’m not good in sports like you do, I can’t babysit and finally I can’t do everything that you can do.

So thank you for everything and thank you for playing the biggest role in my life. Without you, I don’t know how I’m gonna survive.

Sincerely from your annoying and jerky little sister here in college who misses you and the family terribly,
-Najwa